Home' Advocate Communications : Fiordland Advocate 8 September 2011 Contents HOT TOPIC
Page 6 | 8 September, 2011
How to find a man when you're middle aged and dateless?
Moving to Te Anau a few years ago I
expected it to be full of fit outdoorsy guys,
passionate about the environment. Instead I
found the town to have more than its share
of interesting, attractive, independent,
outdoorsy, fit, intelligent and often highly
educated middle-aged single women.
They generally live happy and fulfilling lives.
The only thing missing is a meaningful
relationship with a man who shares their
values and interests.
In Te Anau or elsewhere, if you find yourself
in this predicament what are your chances
of finding a suitable partner and how do you
go about it?
You are too old for discos (not that there
are any discos in Te Anau) and a century
too late for dance parties (no dance hall
here either). You join the tramping club
hoping that one day a handsome stranger
will sweep you off your feet while watching a
sunset from a hut somewhere in Fiordland
National Park, only to find that of the two
single men in the local tramping club
neither fits in your age bracket.
You've heard of Internet dating, so you
secretly join match.com, findsomeone.
com or a similar website. You wouldn't
dare to tell anyone about it for fear of being
perceived as desperate by the rest of the
Interestingly, in days when information
technology dominates just about every
other aspect of our lives, why is there so
much stigma attached to Internet dating?
As if sitting around in pubs drinking and
eyeing the opposite gender was a much
more acceptable alternative.
At the first glance on-line dating looks very
promising -- in one sitting you can check out
more candidates than you could possibly
meet in your entire lifetime. Yet, once you
get sucked in, this form of entertainment
can consume all your free time.
A common problem is that everyone
notoriously lies on the Internet. I thought
only women concealed the truth about their
age, but men can be even worse.
I took a measly five years off my age, and
was shocked to discover that a friend of
mine (an otherwise respectable architect)
had the cheek to deduct a decade from
his birth date! Guys also like to make
themselves taller than what nature
endowed them with.
What's fundamentally wrong with Internet
dating, according to another friend of mine,
Jeff, is that it's exactly the opposite to the
way things normally happen.
"In real life when I meet someone I like, I
agonise for days wondering whether she
likes me, and if she does -- is she available?
Little by little I learn about the object of my
desire while I make up my mind to ask her
out. There are a lot of unspoken signals to
interpret -- looks, smiles, verbal riddles,"
It's the chase that makes the love game so
exciting. The uncertainty consumes us, but
also gives us hope.
"Internet dating short-cuts the hunt and
takes away the delightful mystery. Before
we meet I already know a lot about her and
I know that she is interested and available.
That's why for me Internet dating doesn't
work," he said.
There are exceptions, of course. I personally
know several people who after meeting
on-line have formed lasting relationships
or even a happy marriage. So, keep on
trying. You may get lucky too! It's safe and
harmless, just Google "Internet dating" and
a multitude of possibilities pops up at your
• This is the first in Alina Suchanski's
occasional series on finding the perfect
match. Look out for the next instalment
coming soon -- speed dating.
Finding a man not easy in computer age
middle aged and dateless
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The fact their usual venue was being used by another group on Monday
wasn't going to be enough to make these Te Anau Zumba enthusiasts
miss their weekly fix. Instead tutor Jane Dwyer elected to make the most
of a nice, sunny day to lead the fitness class on the steps of the Fiordland
Community Events Cente.
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